As you can see the title, it's Anxiety Disorder. Yes, is me.

I'm suffering from Anxiety Disorder. No one believes me, they just brush it off and said I'm quite a joker.

You know something? This is why Anxiety Disorder's patient suffers because of your filthy mouth and your stabbing words.

We are mentally weak, we are scared and worried ,etc .

If you don't know what's Anxiety Disorder, please go and google it.

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You can save a life before you opening your fucked up mouth.

I, myself, have been suffering for years, but I didn't know and didn't care about that.

I always think that maybe it's my personal problem, like family, friends, love/etc.

But when I search on the net, "Depression problem" is categorized under Anxiety Disorder, meaning it's a kind of mental problem.

When you say mental problem, it's not those people in mental ward like talking to themselves, laughing and what mental problem people do.

It's just that this Anxiety Disorder is affecting your daily life. I've come to this forum called Lowyat.net , I'm exchanging mails with this guy named Najib Manon, he IS a patient of Anxiety Disorder, I'm telling him how I feels and so, he is now recovering with treatments and he's telling me what-to-do.

Then, who? Who is the only one that trust me? No one. Even my own father doubted about it.

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It hurts.

I have countless sleepless night, which I'm crying and begging for myself to sleep.

Yesterday, I'm sleeping-sitting on my bed so I can get tired and sleep.

I wanted to cry(again), for why am I having this sickness? What have I done?

No one wants to hear me out, no one understands how painful and suffering it is.

Mom has aware of this and she's gentler than usual. I don't feel the same, I don't feel like going out anymore.

I lock myself in my room and surfing on the net, or maybe sleeping in the noon, cause I'm dead sleepy.

What else? Nothing.

I'm going to see a psychology doctor tomorrow with my dad. Should I talk to the doctor 1-on-1 or with my dad?

I feel that I will cry if I talk it in front of my dad.

There's so much thing I wanted to say but sometimes, I just can't say it out.

I end up thinking and thinking how to say and cried.

My dad asked me what's wrong? What's bothering me? Why do I want to go see a psychology doctor?

I wanted to tell him everything. But somehow, my mouth just can't say a word.

I looked at him, my eyes are about to tears, he's looking at me for an answer.

I couldn't stop myself, I cried. I cried and mom came in. She saw me crying.

Dad didn't force me to say, he tell me that he'll book an appointment on thurs/fri depending on his free time.

I nodded, I'm glad that he did not scold me.

Why can't I speak... why I can't tell him everything??

I felt miserable.. i feel like crying now.

Now I know who is my real friends are.

Chooi Yee, Song Chin, Pei, thank you for supporting me.

for those who runaway and thinks that I'm joking, suit yourself.

Begone in my life.

Will update again after my visit to the doctor tomorrow.

xx